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So I got here back. And it’s true, I gave birth to a child. I’ve been gone for a month and my bitten nipples are proof of that. Eat your heart out, Mayor Pete. I assume that qualifies me to run the Department of Transportation. And speaking of trans… no man who thinks that putting on a dress with a wig makes you a woman, under any circumstances. I used to be there when this baby got here out, and no dude can do this. You might as well placed on a diaper and announce that you just’re a baby or a president. But there are few things worse than someone within the media having a baby. And not only because you will have to imagine them having sex, but additionally they act like they’re the primary person to do it, like they only invented having children.
GUNS NOW LEADING CAUSE OF DEATH IN OUR CHILDREN, SAYS CDC
That’s funny. Many years ago, many young parents used to say that having children was selfish. How dare you bring one other mouth to feed the ravenous billions? Then they’ve kids and suddenly their beloved brat becomes the exception. They’ve gone from hating kids to having one they cannot wait to change. What amazes me more is that some moms could be so pro-abortion. It’s like being a biological Benedict Arnold. Because these mothers know that having children is the most effective thing they’ll ever do. Apart from ironing.
A SEXIST WOULD SAY!
But slightly than endure slander from other diaper deniers for indulging patriarchy, they root for girls to stop the one thing that offers their lives meaning. Besides watching this show, after all. So what’s the male equivalent? Well, we could say a guy gets a Bronze Star and says it is not value it. I’m sorry, that is the only thing he’ll remember on his deathbed. And then there’s the orgy with the solid of “The Facts of Life.” Yes, Charlotte Rae really knew how to party. And yes, I compare motherhood to war, since it is.
THE SCIENCE OF FATHERHOOD: WHY Dads matter
The women complete a nine-month internship and by the top are so filled with hormones and exhaustion that they’ve PTSD like athlete’s foot. And for that reason, we must always treat moms as victorious heroes. But the message from most libraries? Don’t have children. But if we do it, it’s going to be because our kids will probably be higher than yours. Because within the media we act as if the whole lot we do matters more. But do you think my Uncle Frank, the plumber, has to take a month off each time his wife pushes him out? Please. This guy had a plunger in his hand three minutes after cutting the umbilical cord. Come to think of it, I think he put a plunger on the delivery just in case.
So I won’t brag. Seven billion people have undergone this. But when you’re shocked that I even have a brat at 60, imagine how I feel. When my wife told me she was pregnant, she had to change her first diaper. It’s demanding, nevertheless it’s not earth-shattering either. The lesson I learned is how much I even have to unlearn. This signifies that I even have been mastering the art of being selfish throughout my life and it has helped me in my profession. But having a great profession is not difficult when you’re focused only on yourself. Although there are exceptions. But when you work hard for ten years, you’ll be able to master any occupation, except possibly porn, because you have already aged in five years.
Ask Trace Gallagher. He could also be a silver fox, nevertheless it’s over when the carpet matches the curtains. So being a parent at my age forces me to learn something that a lot of you learned in your 20s, 30s and 40s – that you will have to think about someone else. And for me it’s difficult. My whole house has modified. Now someone else is sleeping within the bed. But a smart person told me this – once you will have a child, you’ll be able to’t regret anything you probably did before, because changing the past would erase the opportunity of having that child. Maybe that is why Alec Baldwin still has kids.
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It’s amazing. Suddenly I even have no regrets after 60 years of bad behavior. Therefore, my message to you, men and girls. If you regret your past, have a child. Yes. Yes. It’s easy. Almost anyone can do it. And in actual fact, children practically handle themselves. Right now mine is sitting within the automobile parked outside. Don’t worry. I rolled down the windows.
