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“The MAGA Apprentice”
In his Thursday monologue, Jimmy Kimmel addressed speculation about who can be Donald Trump’s running mate. Trump reportedly plans to query potential candidates at campaign rallies. “He turns it into ‘MAGA Apprentice,'” Kimmel said.
“The finalists in the VP category are Elise Stefanik, Tim Scott, Tulsi Gabbard and Dr. Ben Carson, even though Dr. Ben Carson died six years ago.” —JIMMY KIMMEL
“Ben Carson is literally a sleeper candidate. Can you imagine Vice President Carson sitting behind Trump during the State of the Union address? He’s a guy who falls asleep standing up.” —JIMMY KIMMEL
Trump is also said to be considering Sen. Marco Rubio of Florida as a candidate, despite the many insults the two have hurled at each other in the past. Kimmel found it amusing when Rubio said it would be an honor for anyone to be offered the position.
“Oh, poor little Marco, he thinks he’s different,” Kimmel said. “He thinks, ‘I’m going to take a seat on that bull.’ No, no, you will find yourself within the mud with the opposite rodeo clowns.
“Think of all the people who thought they could tame Donald Trump: Chris Christie, Mitt Romney, Jeff Sessions, Kevin McCarthy, Rudy Giuliani, Ted Cruz, Ron DeSantis, Mike Pence and all his wives. I mean, you think it won’t be you too? Destroying people like you is the only thing Donald Trump is good at. If he asks you to run, run! Get those little legs wiggling like a little kid walking into Chuck E. Cheese. —JIMMY KIMMEL
Most striking punch lines (exclusion edit)
“I read that former President Trump is considering skipping the $464 million bail from his civil fraud case and allowing the New York Attorney General to take over Trump Tower. Man, Trump’s net worth is dwindling so fast that people are wondering if he’s on Ozempic. —JIMMY FALLON
“They can take his buildings, and if they take Trump Tower, where will Donald get his authentic Mexican taco bowls?” —JIMMY KIMMEL
“And get this, the New York Attorney General is also preparing to take over Trump’s golf course in Westchester. Yes. Today the attorney general showed up at his golf course and shouted, “Exclusion.” —JIMMY FALLON
“They could have even taken over his plane. I vote for this. I can’t think of anything more delightful. Can you imagine Donald Trump standing in line for a Southwest flight in boarding group C?” —JIMMY KIMMEL
“Yes, in just a few days, Trump can go from owning a penthouse and a golf course to putting coffee in a mug in a studio apartment.” —JIMMY FALLON
Pieces value watching
Wayne Brady, freestyle champion and star of “The Wiz,” made rhymes about random objects on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”
